"It's the Seinfeld of the internet. A website about nothing."--Geoff Flynn
America? What. Did. You. Do!? Bad America! This isn't the family dog getting into the garbage again or trying to sneak a nibble of the cat's food. America, you have just put a megalomaniacal demagogue into the White House. You have just put in a person who may either get us into a war, escalate terrorism, and create fear in every minority household. Or maybe he won't. We don't know, but we know what he could be capable of. This isn't the dog getting into the garbage, this is the dog getting into the garbage, eating two one-pound chocolate bars, and having to be rushed to the vet because chocolate is poisonous to dogs, and it could die.
When I got up Tuesday morning and went to go vote, there was not one thought, brain wave, or electronic pulse that went through my head to ever indicate that Donald Trump would be President. CNN had an electoral map scenario Monday night where it came down to Nevada and Arizona. Trump would win Arizona, and Clinton would get Nevada, putting her over the top. That, to me, was worst case. And that was giving Ohio, Florida, and Pennsylvania to Trump. Crazy talk.
What was it, America? Why did you do it? Was it Hillary Clinton's e-mails? I think we know she's not the cleanest glass in the cupboard, but at least she fights for working class people. Was it that you were just sick of the Clintons in general? I get that, but look at the choice. You'd rather have a guy that demeans women, makes fun of handicapped people, and snaps at the first person that disagrees with him, whether its a reporter, a lawmaker, or even an opponent in the Republican primary?
He's a bully. Little Marco, Crooked Hillary, calling Megyn Kelly a bimbo on Twitter. You'd rather have that as your President than her? (The fake Donald Trump calling Jeb Bush 'Jeborah' on Saturday Night Live was pretty funny, though, but that was only to illustrate the point). Women voted for Trump. Some Muslim women voted for Trump. How is that possible? Did they not hear the tape, or did they just accept it as 'locker room talk'?
Was it jobs? Trump ran through the rust belt offering to bring back businesses from overseas. Things must be worse there than we thought. Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin all bought in. Blue states started turning red, and before the end of Tuesday night, we were all seeing red.
All of these reasons not to vote for a man who can't stand the thought of going 24 hours without seeing or hearing his own name, and we haven't even gotten to the political reasons yet. Yes, there are people who want the Affordable Care Act repealed. Congratulations, you got your wish, and according to Covered California, 20 million people in the Golden State alone may lose their insurance. All of those gun owners are happy to get their second amendment back, even though it didn't go anywhere. At least you get to go squirrel hunting with a semi-automatic weapon. Couldn't lose that now, could we? You got your right wing supreme court justice, too, whoever that turns out to be. Gay marriage and women's reproductive rights may be denied, but you can have all the guns you want.
And 13 million Mexicans will be rounded up and sent home. That's what he said. Muslims will not be able to come here at all, solely because of their religion. That's what he said. Certainly the second amendment is fine, but freedom of religion is something else, and let's whip a little discrimination in there while we are at it.
I want Mr. Trump to build the wall, though. Not to keep Mexicans out, but do give him something 'concrete' (pardon the pun) to work on for awhile. Trump has made his living building hotels and towers and buildings. Just like the line from the insurance commercial, it's what he does. Get to work, build the wall, make it grand, or huge, or whatever. If you can get Mexico to pay for it, even better. Get to work on it right away, and then check back in with us when it's done. Maybe in four years.
Almost one week after the election, and it still hasn't sunk in yet for many of us. They are still protesting. It's too late now, and it's really more venting than protesting, but has there ever been anything like this in our country's history? He may be the most hated President who has yet to take office. That can't bode well going in.
This is what you wanted, America, and like it or not, we all have to live with it, and not only that, we are all responsible for it. You in the red states, you were going to vote for Trump no matter what. He isn't Hillary, and that's good enough for you. Fine. You are the one that put the garbage where the dog could get to it. You knew better. Shame on you.
Those of you in the blue states that voted red? There are two groups of you. One either figured that Clinton was going to win anyway and voted for Trump in protest, or was mesmerized by the Trump jobs carrot. You have to admit, if you are out of work or dissatisfied, you might like the tune you hear when Professor Harold Hill comes to town. The Music Man has got the Think System, and Who knows? Maybe it works. These people saw the dog get into the garbage and didn't say anything.
The other group were the people that would have voted for Clinton, but decided to stay home instead. They put the garbage near the dog, but trusted the dog not to eat it, and everything would be fine. Now look what happened. Thanks a lot, Milwaukee.
Then there were the people in the blue states. California, all of the west coast, the northeast, Colorado, New Mexico, Illinois, and Minnesota. Hawaii, you too! I know what you're saying, “What did I do?” You put the garbage right next to the dog, and went to bed. Negligence! You didn't see it coming. You took things for granted. We took things for granted. Hillary Clinton took things for granted and she lost. Donald won. Done. End of story.
Blue states? You (we) never took Donald Trump seriously. He announced his candidacy. You rolled your eyes. He went through those three debates with all those other wannabes, and you chuckled. The primaries started, he won a state or two, and you were amused, and even when he got the nomination, you laughed. You laughed, thought the entire Republican Party was a joke, and if not out loud, inside you started thinking about a Hillary Clinton presidency. As Trump said many times during the presidential debates, “Wrong!”
The dog is at the vet now, and even though we've taken this analogy way too far, it's on the operating table. While demonstrators are still outside the Trump Tower, the man inside seems to be trying to calm things down, and even trying to seem Presidential. He's even backing off completely repealing Obamacare, saying the pre-existing condition rules will stay. Great. Now it's only going to be three million Mexicans that will be deported. Wonderful. He doesn't seem to be chomping at the bit to get all those Muslims out of here, either. Fantastic. He will build the wall, but told 60 Minutes he's okay with part of it being a fence! So now less than a week after winning the election, if he doesn't do all those things he said, he's a liar. This is what you voted for, America.
So now, we wait. While Trump figures out which cabinet posts go to Chris Christie, Rudy Giuliani, John Bolton, Jeff Sessions, Newt Gingrich, and Ben Carson, we wait to see how long it will be before the real Donald Trump shows up. Maybe all of this leading up to this point was a show and the last few days are the real Donald Trump (as a co-worker of mine actually suggested), or, Trump is one tweet away from calling someone a loser, criminal, or bimbo. In his first news conference, let's see how long it takes for him to make fun of a reporter, or have him/her thrown off the press corps for asking a pointed question. Better that he act out at a reporter instead of a world leader, right? The real Donald Trump will surface, and soon. Long before January 20. The dog will probably live because this is America, and we expect everything to come out okay. Just wait, though, until we get the bill.
Shake shake shake: Several months ago, maybe even before the primaries, I joked that if Trump won, I would move to New Zealand. That country got rocked with a massive earthquake this weekend, and afterwards I was asked by some friends if I still wanted to go. Remember the movie, The World According to Garp? While Robin Williams was looking at buying a house, a guy flying a bi-plane crashed into it. “We'll take it”, Williams' character said. “What are the odds of this happening again?” I hear it's nice there, but I don't know what kind of demand they have for broadcasters.